Diary
by Feral Phoenix
Summary: A series of short, insightful little vignettes that could have come from Ein's diary during his quest. There may be some unintentional hints of LxE, but I'm trying to make it pairingless...
1. Journey

Diary

DISCLAIMER: Don't own Riviera 'cause if I did I'd be very rich and certain characters (coughSERENEcoughLEDAHcoughcough) would be a lot less miserable. But these little vignettes are all mine, so don't steal, it isn't very nice.

:Journey:

People say journey and they think it's all a grand adventure. I say journey and I know it's a long walk, and sore feet. Most people don't think of all the things you have to kill or hurt, either.

I don't care if demons are evil. They're still alive. Rose can yell all she wants, but I don't like killing. And I don't like journeys.

Being a Grim Angel isn't all it's cracked up to be. They all say, we're heroes because our predecessors saved Asgard when even the gods couldn't win the great war. We're the ultimate weapons, the ultimate trump cards. We can save Asgard over and over from things the gods never could. They lay their hopes and dreams on us like thousand-pound shackles.

Being a Grim Angel means cold and lonely and afraid at night unless you're tucked under Ledah's wing. Being a Grim Angel means pain and regret when you see your fellows flying and you know you no longer can. Being a Grim Angel means not knowing if what you're doing is right or wrong when everyone tells you they're counting on you.

A lot of the time I wish I was more like Ledah. He's always so calm and unshakable when the worst happens. He never questions what Hector tells us we have to do, doesn't even seem to realize how many lives the Retribution may cost. And of course, he still has his pitch-black wings. I'm ashamed every time I have to take off my shirt, because of the awful scars where mine used to be.

Ledah never has told me what he had to give up for Lorelei. Whatever it was, it can't have been as painful as giving up wings.

People say journey and they seem to think that it's over in five seconds. I know better. Ledah and Rose and I have been heading for Heaven's Gate for almost seven days now. I'm tired, I want rest and food and a decent bed. Ledah says I'll get used to it in time. He would know--he's been out way more than me. But every day I can't wait until we pitch camp. I'm just lucky Ledah hasn't gotten mad at me yet... I know I'm not much of a true Grim Angel. He's so patient... and such a good friend.

Rose says I'm a whiner. I say she should try walking every now and then, just to humor me. She wouldn't be all hissy then.

Ledah does walk, for my sake, which is partly why we're making such slow time. We're partners, and he already told me he wouldn't be much of one if he left me behind.

Journey means lots of time to think and a lot of time to feel sorry for yourself. I think until I get tired. Rose thinks until she gets irritable. Ledah thinks and says nothing.

But journey also means a lot of time with your friends.


	2. Diviners

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Diviners:

Diviners are a Grim Angel's greatest gift, but each of us has to give something up in return. That sacrifice is part of what makes the Diviners so powerful--and such a part of us. In a way, our Diviners _are _whatever it was we had to give up.

Einhenjar is my Diviner, my companion, my wings. It's the faintly pearlescent gold of wheat fields, of the lightning of the gods. It's jagged like the bolts from Thor's hammer, sharp and stark, terrible and beautiful. When I touch it, I can remember what it felt like to fly.

I can't remember much of the time I lost my wings. I had Einhenjar, but I still felt almost like my life was over. I cried and slept for a few days on end, and couldn't believe I'd let myself give up something so important to me.

There were a few times when Ledah came to me, I think. He'd put my hand on the hilt of my sword, my wound and my solace, and then my head would clear. He told me that the time would pass when I couldn't help but feel that a huge part of me was missing, that I would be able to go forth again in time for our mission. He would let me lean on him as I cried, and tuck his own night-colored wings around me, as if to compensate for my loss of mine.

Everything else about that time is still blurry. But I did come out of it.

Einhenjar feels like the sky, that wild rush of blue and white and possibility, when I hold it in my hands. It helps me look back on the wings I lost without feeling that constant ache.

As far as I know, Ledah's never told anyone what he gave up for his Diviner. He got his before me, and even though he didn't sacrifice anything _visible, _he changed a little then. Ledah'd always been taciturn, withdrawn... but he was quieter than ever, smiled less, was a little more duty-minded from then on. Even so, he helped me a lot when it was my time to realize my full destiny as a Grim Angel.

He's taught me so much... and yet, I know so little about what troubles him...

When I touch Lorelei, it feels like so many things at once that I can't even begin to guess what it is Ledah had to sacrifice. It's like glory and dearth and passion and crimson, all spun together in a mad spiral. It feels like the heart of the Ledah I was always so close to. It feels like _beauty._

And I know that Lorelei is dearer to Ledah than life itself, like my Einhenjar is to me.

It's one of the few candid sides I can see of his heart...


	3. Ledah

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Ledah:

Ledah, my partner and best friend, is everything I am not and will never be.

He looks and acts the part of the proper Grim Angel, tall and graceful, swathed in all shades of scarlet with his broad, imposing black wings. His silver rosary, studded with a tiny, amber swirl of cat's-eye where the cross is fixed, hangs eternally over his breast as a reminder of his purpose. He is pale-skinned and fair-haired, with his golden tresses cut inattentively at shoulder-length, flaring wildly with wind or his movements. Lorelei, his Diviner spear, is always at his side; a bent cross of the brilliant, red-hot-looking crimson that's usually associated with cinnamon candy. His eyes are striking dark carmine, like the dying heat in cooling coals. He's the kind of man who makes an impression, and then proves himself to be better than people think.

Ledah is stern and serious and follows rules. His battle cries are usually something like "Death to all sinners" or "Burn in the fires of judgement". Lorelei burns brightly in his hands as he rushes to fulfill his orders, incinerating all who oppose him.

He's older than me, and has seen more battle because he got his Diviner before I did. He's one of Asgard's most powerful agents and is treated with respect wherever he goes because of his awesome strength.

Ledah is also kind and caring and patient, and gentle when you'd never expect him to be. There's still so much that I don't know, but instead of getting angry with me, he softly explains whatever I need to learn to survive. Lorelei sings through the air, more often than not, to defend me from whichever predicament I find myself in on the hour.

Ledah the solitary angel, as some call him, is softspoken and grave in nature. His smiles are as infrequent as they are precious, and easy to miss. I doubt that I've ever seen him happy, he who walks instead of using his wings to spare my still-aching pride. That worries me sometimes, but there isn't much that I can do.

Someday, I'd like to be able to make him laugh.

Ledah is my partner, my teacher. The one who helped me when I needed someone most, the one who was there through all my hard times. The very best of friends, along with my familiar Rose.

When I am still so weak, he is strong enough for both of us. Strong enough for all of Asgard. Strong enough to begin the Retribution all on his own.

But he is my partner, who walks for me.

Ledah. My best friend in the whole world.


	4. Beyond Reach

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

Author's Note: OMG, this is turning into, like, Ein's daily blog or something. (giggles) Shifting gears now--we're heading past the catastrophic events of Heaven's Gate, and Ein is now recuperating under Fia and Lina's care.

Since Ein technically goes so well with any of the party members, I'm trying to keep this from becoming biased towards any certain pairing, but little hints of Ledah/Ein and Ein/Cierra are gonna keep sneaking in edgeways, I can tell. It doesn't help that I could go on about Ledah for hours on end, since he's my favorite Rivvy character. (... ... I just called Riviera _"Rivvy..."_) And of course, Ein and Serene are gonna end up as best buddies, like they are in my current save file. I'm biased, but I'm trying very hard not to be, so give me credit, okay?

As of this minute, I haven't yet beaten Seth-Ra, but I sure am trying. Hopefully I'll be able to cram in some serious ownage between my Chem and English homework tonight... all my characters could've done with a few hundred more HP, only all the evil treasure chests exploded on me. (sigh) So I'm short new toys for Fia and Lina. Which is why it sucks that I don't have Cierra for the last fight, because she actually DID get a new toy... (sighs again) Oh well. Better luck next time... (-.-;;)

Here we go!

---

:Beyond Reach:

It's like being unable to find a favorite quill, even after having ransacked your entire house. Or losing one book out of the series you've been reading. Or being one inch too short to reach the top shelf, no matter how hard you stretch.

Fia says not to worry, that my memories should start to return in time. But I wish they would hurry up and come back already.

I can remember a few things. My name, the name of my sword Einherjar. My favorite colors and foods, the ability to fight. A cat, I think, called "Rose". The fact that I'm supposed to be here, on Riviera, for some reason or other. And the sort of blurry face of a blonde man...

But it's driving me crazy. Who _am _I? _Why _did I lose my memory in the first place, anyway? Why am I _here? _Did I really fall from the sky like Lina claims? If not, then how did I get here? Is there anyone looking for me? Where did I come from? Nothing seems familiar except the things I already know about myself...

And I want to know how I got the scars on my back.

When I went down to the spring for a bath, I looked at my reflection and saw them in the water. They're twisting, brownish, sort of twig-looking furrows that branch out from my shoulderblades, as though something were ripped out of my back at one time, and the flesh left behind healed messily. Every now and then the scars start itching, but they bleed if I try to scratch them, so I have to soak in water when that happens.

I can sort of remember an intense pain, almost as though something _did _get ripped out of me at some time or other, and then this weird feeling of loss, but... I don't really understand. Ordinary humans and even Riviera's Sprites don't usually have stuff growing from their backs, do they? Unless they're something special, like a harpy or a fairy, I mean. But I'm not a harpy. Or a fairy. So I don't get it.

And who or what hated me this badly?

Could I be bringing danger to Fia and Lina just by being here?

I don't want that... they're both such nice, innocent village girls, and I don't want to drag them into anything that they might not be able to handle...

So I have to know...

Who am I?

_What _am I?


	5. Lina

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Lina:

It was one of the first things I asked Fia, when I was feeling a little better. She said that it was understandable that I would be confused, considering that the two of them live together, but that no, she and Lina aren't actually related. And then she told me the rest of the story.

Fia is the granddaughter of Graham, the village elder. When she was much younger--apparently this was at least nine or ten years ago--she was walking in the woods that surrounded Elendia when she came upon an abandoned child there; a little girl who was only about two or three years old. Being Fia, she brought the girl back to her village.

Supposedly, it caused a pretty big uproar, because no one knew where Lina (it was her, after all) could have come from. She only sort of knew how to talk, so she couldn't tell them what had happened, and no one could find any village nearby that had lost a child recently. Graham contacted the Arcs of Rosalina, who did a search over most of Riviera, but they came back empty-handed. So Fia's parents decided that they were going to keep Lina instead.

Even though she was so little, some of Lina's speech patterns and behaviors had already been set (which explains a few things, such as the way she's always talking about herself in the third person and her obsession with fruit and treasure...), so you could still tell that she's not really from around here, but she grew up considering Elendia her home and Fia's family hers, in a way. She doesn't _call _Fia her sister, which is why I originally asked, but they act sort of between sisters and friends.

Lina's a crazy little kid. She runs around with so much energy, it almost makes me feel old... she dresses mostly in black and yellow, making her look almost like some hyperactive little butterfly. She has bright orange hair that she puts up in double ponytails, and carries around a huge longbow that I don't know if I could even fire accurately. But from the way Fia tells it, Lina's actually the best shot in Elendia, and I've learned by now that you can pretty much trust the things that Fia says. She has really big, sort of light brown eyes--I can't remember very much yet, but I have the feeling that I've never seen eyes like those before. All the brown eyes I'm used to seeing are very dark, or hazel.

She's a con artist, too. I found a fruit (she called it an Applecot) one day in the walkway around the giant tree that supports most of Elendia, and I was going to take it home for Fia to cook in something, but Lina saw me with it before I had the chance. She came up to me, and didn't say anything but just sort of looked at me out of those huge eyes, getting kind of teary, until I just couldn't stand it and handed over the fruit. It was only after she'd walked off munching on it that I realized I'd been had.

Well, that's not to say that she doesn't have her good sides, too. For one thing, Lina's actually pretty cute, in a little-kid sort of way. For another (and this is probably just because she's so obsessed with treasure, but still) she has the most _amazing _eye for useful or intriguing things. One day, she came home bouncing around because she'd found this odd little chain pendant in the woods where she'd found me. It was a gold chain with smoky blue beads fixed at equal lengths all down it and a golden cross with a smooth blue lapis lazuli where the two pieces of metal fused directly opposite the clasp. It was broken--the chain had come apart halfway between the pendant and clasp--but still really cool, and also kind of scary because when she let me look at it, my hands went automatically from bead to bead, like I'd done it a lot of times before. I think it may have been mine, from before I fell. Fia says that that kind of pendant is called a _rosary._

I may not be much closer to getting my memories back... but at least here in Elendia, I'm getting to have good friends, like Lina and Fia.

Judging by the scars on my back and the intense headaches I get whenever I try to remember things... I may need friends like them very soon...


	6. Moonlight Castle

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Moonlight Castle:

"Grandeur of ages past

Against a glittering backdrop of stars

Footsteps echoing into eternity"

-Ein

There's something about the castle called Lacrima that just inspires poetry within you.

Fia, Lina, and I are supposed to be patroling this area to find out what's happened to the Arcs who've guarded it for so many years, but the beauty of the ancient stronghold is really distracting. I can tell that Fia's disappointed in me, and I'm sorry to let her down, but even though I can faintly sense the presence of demons lurking around the corners of the stone corridors, the surroundings just steal the breath from my lungs.

Lacrima is an immense stronghold built of marble and limestone, laced with cobbled courtyards. Its towers are are studded with long, tall windows that allow for tantalizing glimpses of the diamond-studded sapphire field they call the sky. Between the stone bricks of the walkways, nearly-black blades of grass have sprung, giving the area a charming feel rather than an overgrown and unattended one.

It's beautiful, but also sad... because of the demons that roam Lacrima's stone halls...

And there are no Arcs in sight, either.

From what Fia has told me, the Arcs are a race of Sprites with black, batlike wings. Many of them are reapers, entrusted with the souls of the dead and dying until they can be guided to Valhalla. They were entrusted with the castle after Ragnarok, when the Grim Angels of Asgard reclaimed it from the demons who had possessed it. They are proud, brave, and fiery people, who have always been allied to Elendia. Their village, Rosalina, is supposed to lie slightly to the west of the castle, with a few Arcs always patrolling Lacrima's halls.

Lina explained that she and Fia grew up with quite a few friends among the Arcs, which is why they were so concerned when contact between Elendia and Rosalina was broken. The appearance of so many demons has worried Fia's grandfather, the Elder, who refused to let any search teams head out here. But the two of them couldn't sit and wait, so they used the village's magic circle without permission to check on Lacrima's condition. Because _I _didn't feel like waiting around for them to get back, I went with them.

I'm still not sure if I can be of very much help to Fia and Lina. But I do know that I can't just leave them to fight by themselves. So I will stay with them, and do what little I can.

Because there's something that feels so right about traveling with friends like this, despite the emptiness I can't do anything about inside me.

Because this is the only road I have to my memories.

And because... I care about what happens to this world...


	7. Black Wings

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Black Wings:

I saw two sets of black wings before me tonight.

The last of the Arcs, a girl named Serene, is traveling with us now--one of those pairs of wings belongs to her. They're short for wings, and you wouldn't think that they'd be able to support the weight of a person, but they do somehow. They're webbed wings like a bat's, with leathery black skin stretched over the delicate fingerlike bones that form the wings' frames.

Serene herself is young--around my age, maybe a little younger--but there's determination and now outright anger in her thin face. Her wild, blue-violet hair is chopped short, almost boyishly so, and her ears taper to thin points. Although her shoulders are small, there's strength in them as she grips the twisted pole of her scythe, and the palms of her hands are thick with calluses that tell me her firm hold on the huge weapon isn't just for show. I know how to handle a scythe, barely, but this girl seems to have been trained to it from a very young age.

And there's a distinctive, almost frightening, hunger for justice in her haunted glare.

Serene's entire family--her entire _race--_was wiped out by a soul-stealing demon.

Maybe that's the reason for the distinct frailty that seems to settle over her, as though her desire for vengeance is all that's holding her together.

The other wings belonged to that demon...

They were broad, _huge, _the size that phyisology demands would be needed to carry a person through the air. Instead of bat's wings, they looked more like a bird's, or an _angel's, _though what angel has _black_ wings? They were covered in long, almost iridescent black feathers, and they didn't seem as though they'd belong to a demon woman, much less the murderous one they were attached to.

She had long, pale blonde hair, wild but cut evenly, with one long hank falling into her face and obscuring one of her black, spiteful eyes. I suppose she'd be beautiful in a cold way, with her milk-white skin and the taunting, condescending smirk she casually tossed my way. I was close enough to see that her white dress and blue cloak were very finely made, if tattered by wear. And she must be even stronger than Serene, judging from the way she swings her enormous axe around as though it weighs nothing. But she didn't even seem to realize how many people she'd killed--if she did, it had no effect on her at all...

Such a cruel and cold-hearted killer...

So why... why do I feel as though I know her from somewhere...?

And why did she call my Einherjar a "Diviner"...?

Somehow... those malicious black wings seem so familiar...

_Who am I? _Why do I seem to be connected to this _demon?_

Am I... really even a Sprite...?

Caught between two sets of black wings... the flight of justice and the dark feathers of chaos...

Which pair of wings belongs to me...?


	8. Regained Self

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Regained Self:

There's a lot of wisdom in the advice to leave well enough alone.

I remember now. I remember who I am, and what I'm doing here in Riviera.

I... am a Grim Angel of Asgard, sent by the Seven Magi to actuate the Retribution, no matter what the cost happens to be. My name isn't really even "Ein", it's Ecthel--Ein is my childhood nickname. I decided I would rather be called that than something that means "tortured angel" anyway, when the time came to assume it... but to my friends, both now and back in Asgard, I've always been Ein. Stripped of my wings in exchange for my Diviner, my Einherjar, forged in the image of the ancient Diviner Excelion, which was created in the form of the mythical sword Fanelia. Master to the familiar Rose... and best friend of my fellow Grim Angel, Ledah Rozwelli...

Ledah... I can't help but wonder where he is, how he's doing. My heart hurts every time I try to figure out what must have happened to him. According to what Ursula told me, he must be alive, he _must _be. But was he hurt? Did anything happen to him on his way here, to Riviera? Do he and Rose worry about me? Do they even know I'm still alive? They must... Hector wouldn't have ordered them on if he'd thought I'd been killed, would he? Oh, _gods, _every time I so much as _think _of Ledah, I feel like crying. He and I have always been together, _always, _since the day we met. And now, the way the two of us have been separated... it's more painful than anyone can imagine unless they've been through this pain themselves...

Ledah... I wish I had you here beside me... when I need to draw on your strength most, the hands of Fate have torn us apart...

If you were here, you'd agree with me... right? You'd understand my decision, wouldn't you...?

Ursula judged well. Having lived here in Elendia, under the care of Fia and Lina and everyone, and having met Serene and seen what she's gone through, I just _can't _risk the Retribution, knowing that Riviera may be destroyed. If there's a chance that sealing the Accursed could save _everyone, _both in Asgard and Riviera, I have to take it, no matter what.

No matter what...

Ledah... Rose...

Where _are _you? I need you...

I need you...

Fia, Lina, and Serene are all my friends, but I need _you..._

Ledah...

As friends, as partners, as _Grim Angels... _we should be together, fighting the demons side by side...! I need your strength, the gentle patience of your deep crimson eyes, the warmth of your arms and wings around me. I _need _you so that I can keep going... I need you...

I miss you...

So please...

Gods, or Fate... the Magi... _anyone..._

Bring us back together...

Bring Ledah and me together again...


	9. Depth

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

Author's Note: I should probably take the time to explain a few things before we go on with the story.

No, I do not have my facts screwed. If you pick up Longinus in Heaven's Gate, Ledah says (and I quote--I wrote the whole scene down) that it's "the spear Diviners are modeled after". He doesn't really specify whether it's _some _Diviners or _all _Diviners. And while, yes, Lorelei and possibly Skadi were definitely forged to look like Longinus, Einherjar don't look a thing like it. If you dig up Fanelia, though, Ein indicates that it, like Longinus, is an ancient holy weapon, though Rose says it isn't a Diviner. And Einherjar does have an uncanny resemblance to it. (sigh) Swords do not work when they've been forged to resemble pole arms. That's just the way life works, people.

"Ecthel" is Ein's Japanese name. "Excelion" is Einherjar's Japanese name. If you ever go to the damn Japanese SITE, it lists Ein's name phonetically in the katakana E-KU-SE-RU, and Einherjar's as E-KU-SE-RI-A. Those names would be pronounced "Ek'sel" and "Ek'selia", Japanese A, which is why they're written like so in English. That's also where they have the information on the Riviera drama CDs, Prelude and Epilogue. If you don't believe me, take the link to my homepage off my bio--on the entrance page, the Ledah banner leads to the Japanese site and the Malice one leads to the English site. There's no real reason to spread misinformation... if you want to know more, I suggest asking charm witch, as she actually HAS all the Riviera drama CDs and OSTs. Grr.

And believe me, I _am _trying to keep this fic from being overrun by Ledah/Ein. It's still getting in, but it's nowhere near as blatant as it would be if I wanted to make it that pairing. So there.

---

:Depth:

The Accursed... the children of the demon god who tried to overthrow Asgard a thousand years ago...

Fia, Lina, Serene, and I have destroyed one of them already. A second, at least according to Ursula, is rumored to be here, in the forests that surround the ruins of Nelde...

Somewhere... somewhere in this endless emerald depth...

The forest is ancient, and it's _huge. _Sometimes, the ground between the giant roots of trees is unexpectedly soft, almost like a bog or marsh. If you step there, your feet are sucked down; and unless someone can pull you out, you're in trouble. We've already had problems there--Lina got a foot caught, and it took all three of us to get her out again. Nelde is very dangerous... you never even know if or when monsters will appear.

So I am very, _very _glad that we now have help.

While we were trying to climb up into the ruins that seem to be built into the trees themselves, we fell through the branches; I thought we were going to be stuck, but we were "rescued"… sort of, anyway… by a witch named Cierra. She joined up with us after that; she says she's looking for a friend of hers named Gateau anyway.

Cierra's older than us--in her early twenties, maybe--with long red hair and dark brown eyes that almost look purple. Fia says that she must be at least a journeyman-class witch if she's wandering around dangerous ruins like these on her own; I can understand that, since any kind of spellcaster usually doesn't have the physical strength necessary to go on any long adventures of their own. As far as I know, most wizards and witches usually just hole themselves up in academies, doing magical experimentations and stuff. Cierra must be either very strong… or very weird. I haven't known her for long, but I think it could be easily one or both options.

…Well, maybe that's a little bit mean, but Cierra is kind of out-there…

Either way, we have a new friend, and a task to complete. And even if the Nelde ruins are confusing and littered with magical traps, that's good… it's keeping my mind off how much I miss Rose and Ledah, for the most part, at least.

I still wish they were here, but the hurting isn't quite so bad as before. It only resurfaces in sharp bursts when I see the girls' trusting faces turned towards me, asking me what we're all supposed to do when we're faced with some kind of dilemma.

I'm no leader.

I'm still in training… I just became a Grim Angel a few months ago…! I don't have all the answers, I never will… I should be in their place, still turning to Ledah when I need help… Surely _he _never felt this way. I've never seen him in a state of panic or confusion, even when we were younger and he was still so much more open to me.

I'm only seventeen… this is getting to be too much for me. That's why Rose and Ledah were assigned to help me in the first place… I don't know what I'm doing, I really don't…

But as long as we're faced with the endless depth of the unknown before us…

_Someone _has to be the leader… right…?


	10. Messenger

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Messenger:

Cierra's friend "Gateau", it turns out, is actually Rose.

I'm caught between laughing and crying out of the sheer oddness of the situation and what I learned afterwards. We'd been all over the Nelde Ruins, and Cierra was getting frantic when we'd even defeated the resident Accursed, Lindwurm, without finding the friend she'd been searching for in the first place. Then Serene found a hollow behind the big dragon's nest, and there was Rose--"Gateau", as Cierra called her.

Because of a potion Cierra gave her when the two of them met, Rose has lost all ability to speak, or be heard by anyone but me. To everyone else, it just sounds like she's meowing whenever she opens her mouth, so Cierra mistook her for an ordinary cat and decided to keep her. I would've laughed, but then I'd have gotten it from her, so I kept my mouth shut.

Rose was completely shocked just to see that I was alive. I almost didn't ask after that, but I had to know what had happened to Ledah… and to Hector, as well.

As I thought I'd learned when I regained my memory, some questions are better left unanswered.

When Ursula transported me to Elendia, Hector automatically assumed that I'd been killed, then ordered Rose and Ledah on to Riviera, even though she'd tried to plead for him to do something to help me. He'd refused, and gone off on his own after telling Ledah to seek out Ursula's mortal body.

According to Rose, at least, Ledah had seemed shaken by my disappearance. "Seemed", she claimed, because she says it was nearly impossible to tell from his expression. But he'd appeared to be living in some sort of haze, almost never speaking to her and seeming to have trouble stringing more than two or three words together when he did. She says that he practically stopped eating, and ran himself to the bone traveling on very little sleep.

He'd given up all hope of ever seeing me alive again.

Eventually, Rose had just left him on the road, chasing after me again. And then she'd run into Cierra, who ended up taking her straight to me.

I'm so relieved that I have Rose back again--I hate having to worry so much about my friends. But I'm also confused--why did Hector just disregard what might have happened to me like that…? I don't understand. The Magi are our leaders, are meant to care for us and guide us as well as their eternal duty of protecting Asgard. I thought he would've known I was alive… at least, to make sure that Rose and Ledah wouldn't falter on their road to actuate the Retribution…

And it hurts something inside of me when I hear about the way Ledah has been acting.

I wish… I wish I could just find some way to let him know that I'm alright… somehow… just hearing about his condition--his silence, his sudden and frightening disregard of his own needs--makes me terribly afraid for him. I know Ledah, and I know that he'll just end up practically killing himself if no one keeps him from shouldering too heavy a burden for him. He'll grow ill, neglect anything but temporary cares for his near-exhaustion and starvation, and eventually…

It hurts so much, Ledah…

It hurts to have been abandoned by Hector… to know you're suffering out there… and to wear this false façade of cheer when I'm around the girls. I don't want them to know how I feel--it would only bring them pain equal to my own.

When all the Accursed have been sealed… will I be able to find you…?

Will I be able to find you and make all this hurt right again, somehow?


	11. Fallen City

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Fallen City:

Since there've been rumors of demons again, we're heading off after our three-day-long break in Elendia, traveling this time towards the sunken city of Tetyth.

According to Fia and Cierra, Tetyth was a city built by angels after Riviera was purged of demons. It was very magically advanced, and was comprised largely of libraries and churches; it had been noted for the grandeur of its architecture and the goddess statues in the Flaybell Cathedral, which stood in the center of the city. However, the angels who originally founded the city were said to have been outcasts, fallen, ostracized by the Magi in the gods' stead after Ragnarok.

The legends go that Tetyth was punished for its arrogance and extravagance with a flood; these days, Cierra told me, the ruins of the city, inhabited only by Undines, lie in the center of a vast lake, and that only the floodgates have kept the water out of the main parts of the town. According to Claude and Soala at the Magic Guild, there are demons and maybe one of the Accursed all over the place now.

The story reminded me a little of something Ledah told me while we were traveling through Heaven's Gate, but it was a bit too creepy and surreal to tell the girls.

Heaven's Gate is mostly built around the Sacred Scale, a gigantic set of stone scales that was said to've been created by the gods long ago. We had to travel over the scales to get to Riviera, actually. But Ledah told me very seriously that fallen angels used to be tried and sentenced there, cast down from Asgard to the lower realms, or even Hel, based on their sins.

I wonder if the angels who built Tetyth passed through Heaven's Gate, as well, and what they must've felt if they did. If they'd been afraid of the gods' judgement or if they'd just been happy to get out of Asgard… If it were me, I wouldn't have known what to do. Asgard is my home, and if I'd been banished from it…

That reminds me… Ledah was acting sort of strangely when he told me about the Sacred Scale, and just after that, he said some weird things to himself… I think he remarked on how ironic it was for him to come to Riviera that way, or something.

I wonder…

But that can't be, can it? I mean… it's just not Ledah. He's always been so devout in his faith; he was a priest before he became a Grim Angel, after all, and has never forgotten it. He's one of the best people I've known… it doesn't add up. _Ledah, _a fallen angel?

He must've meant something else, I'm sure of it…

Tetyth is only a few days away now. Fia says that we're looking for a cave that will take us beneath the lake and into the outskirts of the city itself. Once we're there, we'll have to go through the city looking for the Accursed and destroying any troublemaking demons we see.

I still don't really like the "killing" aspect of this journey…

But that aside, it feels kinda nice traveling with everybody like this, now that Rose and Cierra have joined us. Ledah's absence is still a huge hole in my heart, aching whenever I notice something that might've interested him in some way, like the libraries that are said to be in the city—Ledah loves reading. But it's an ache that's soothed by having Rose with me. She and I haven't known each other nearly as long as Ledah and I have, but we did work together for about a month before we left to actuate the Retribution. It's nice to have someone familiar with me (wow, that was a really bad pun) with all the strangeness of Riviera and the dangers of our quest.

Lina and Serene are good friends. Fia's a sweet girl who's really easy to rely on. And as weird as Cierra can get, she's really smart and actually kind of cute, if you're into semi-ditzy girls with red hair. Even as badly as I miss Ledah, it makes me happy to have so many good friends. My life was never like this in Asgard…

There is no loss without gain.

So maybe… it'll all be okay, after all…

I hope so…


	12. Fear

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

Author's Note: Just a brief one this time, regarding Ein's note about the Sacred Scale in the previous entry. That is completely true. Several screens into area 2 of Heaven's Gate (Skywalk)—at the T-section where you have the option to go left to find a Mana Wisp or to the right to find an empty chest and the next part of Heaven's Gate—if you switch into Look mode, you'll see a trigger to examine the sky; if you do so, Ledah will explain the background of the Sacred Scale to Ein, then remark to himself on how ironic it is that he should come to Riviera this way. This is right before the areas in whose descriptions you read that the Sacred Scale is also where fallen angels were judged. It's a very, very oblique reference to Ledah actually being a fallen angel—no, it doesn't make much sense to me, either, but none of the tracks on the Epilogue CD divulge as many secrets of Ledah's past as they do Malice's. Sadly for us. So it is possible…

:Fear:

We're in the sunken city of Tetyth, and the water is rising steadily.

None of us have any idea why—just that we're all in very grave, very real danger.

It's weird—I know that I should probably be panicking, but strangely, although my mind is racing, I find myself to be almost completely calm. The water's rise is still slow. If we can find something that we could use as a boat, or are able to enlist the help of the Undines who supposedly live here, we could probably manage to make it back out across the lake.

This means that we've only got one shot at taking out this Accursed—if we're forced to turn back, we'll never be able to save Riviera.

The girls are scared. Very plainly scared, though they're all showing it in different ways. Cierra has become quiet and dead serious. Serene is tense and irritable. Lina alternately whimpers and is even more boisterous than ever. Fia won't stop shaking—she's the only one who's _visibly _frightened, at least in the usually accepted sense—and Rose will not get off my shoulder.

It's just odd that I'm so calm at a time like this, though. Is this how it feels to be in control and to have a plan, Ledah? I think it might be. I'm no closer to having a panic attack and joining the girls in their terror of drowning than you were afraid of failure back in Heaven's Gate.

I think it's mostly due to Einherjar, though. Clutching its hilt in my hands, I can't help but feel powerful waves of reassurance passing over me. It's as though my Diviner is trying to tell me in plain words that everything is going to be alright, and I want to believe it, too.

The sky is so close here. Tetyth is built on a hill, and the city blocks are steadily rising. The old urge to just run to the edge of a rooftop, spread my wings, and leap into the blue would be overpowering, if I didn't know that that world is closed to me forever. It's making my scars itch.

_"Stop thinking about the past and concentrate on your duty. You're not living that life anymore."_

I can hear it in my mind as clearly as if Ledah was standing right next to me, and I know that's what he would say, too. It's completely right, even if it is a little blunt.

With the water of the lake lapping lazily at our heels, I know that I have to focus. I have to defeat the Accursed and get us out of here alive.

Not long ago, that knowledge would've been resting on my shoulders like steel weights, but… now, it feels almost like it's a burden that I'm well equal to.

It's heavy. But somehow…

I almost like this feeling…

And I want Fia and the others to be able to believe in me. I want to be worthy of their trust more than anything.

So, I'm going to do my best to listen to that voice inside me that I swear belongs to Ledah. I could really use his advice right now.

But the one I'm depending on most… is me.

While the waters of panic rage around us, I'm going to find Ledah inside myself, and then use the inner strength I learned from him to keep us all floating.

I have to. Because somehow…

When we meet again…

I won't be able to face him, otherwise.


	13. Mischief

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Mischief:

And here we were thinking that there was something really evil trying to destroy us all this time!

Turns out that the troublemakers all this time—the ones who've been trying to drown us ever since we walked into Tetyth, the ones who've been laying all these crazy traps in our way—are just a pair of demon children, twins called the Red Sage and the Blue Fool.

And even crazier—they were under the impression that **we **were the bad guys!

The resident Accursed or something like it has been spreading its lies about us, telling the local demons that we're cruel and cold-hearted killers out to destroy every demon in our path, and these two decided to do something about it. We aren't (well… maybe I can't say the same about Serene, who hates demons for her own very understandable reasons), which was lucky enough for them, because I was able to get the girls to lay off of them when we explained everything and they apologized. They shut the water gates and left, which keeps us from having to worry about being drowned in this crazy city.

Somehow the Sage and the Fool remind me of myself when I was a little kid. I used to run around and cause trouble sometimes, too—usually with a girl closer to my age than Ledah; her name was Malice—and I never meant any real harm, either. Ledah was always too straight-laced to get enjoyment out of those kinds of things, and he used to like to read more than anything else anyway.

Well, the point here is that not all the demons around here are bad. Maybe some of them could even settle back into Riviera and live in peace, if we get rid of the troublemakers and ringleaders like the Accursed that _do _want to attack Asgard and take over the island for their own uses.

And I'm glad that at least in this case, fights don't have to end in killing.

I still hate that, and I think I always will, no matter how much bloodshed I see. Which Fia says is a good thing; as far as she's concerned, there's something wrong with you if you like to kill (I'm glad Serene never heard her say that, because she LOVES beating up demons, and we don't need any more internal strife than we've already got). I'm glad I have her support.

Now that the drowning issue is over, everyone's settled down. Lina is happy because of the amount of weird stuff the water has set afloat in here—always after treasure, as usual. Fia is alternately admiring the architecture and shaking her head over Tetyth's self-possessed glory. Serene is happy because of the demons being around (which she enjoys beating on), and both Cierra and Rose are interested in the rumors of a great library being around the church district.

And the Undines we've seen around will probably help us when it comes time to get out of here.

So now… all we have to concentrate on is the job at hand.


	14. Library

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Library:

Tetyth just seems to get more and more interesting as we go.

We entered Flaybell Cathedral a while ago (finally), and it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen—even some of the gardens in Asgard can't compare. The temple paths themselves are paved in bronze; the several statues that line its walls seem to be solid gold. Fia told us that this is why Tetyth was damned by the gods, and that it's too extravagant, but it's hopeless—it's the same as in Lacrima, I just can't help but feel that it's too beautiful for me to do anything but appreciate it. I wish I could make things worthy of admiration, too.

We climbed onto the statues to explore (I got in trouble for "staring at the statues too hard"… why did I have to end up traveling with so many paranoid girls?), and found a hidden passageway that led us into the most amazing library…

Rose, Cierra and Fia were absolutely delighted from the moment we walked in. The books here are all huge, several times as tall as I am, but supposedly they hold all the lost knowledge of Tetyth.

Since the city's founders were fallen angels, I'm sure that there are a lot of very important lost secrets in these books. After we defeat the Accursed, maybe we should come back here… Cierra especially would love it. She's been mooning over various magic books since her first step in. It's a shame that the books are all so big; otherwise we'd be taking some with us before we left.

Ledah would've loved to come through here. After all, he's the one who first taught me to appreciate literature—when we were both little, he would always read to me out of his books. Back then I didn't really understand everything he shared with me, since he was that much older than I was and his reading material was advanced way above even his age level. But I loved to listen to him reading, since it seemed like his voice was made for that kind of gentle speech.

Cierra, reading magic theory to Fia out of one of the giant books here, kind of reminds me of him right now. They have the same deep love for knowledge, and it's the passion for books that they share that helped _me _want to learn. If it hadn't been for Ledah, I would be a lot stupider and a lot less willing to behave than I am now—it was him who really brought me up, not the soldiers I lived with since I was little. But anyway, Cierra just seems so like him that it makes me smile. She's actually really smart, and _very _bookish. It makes me feel kind of guilty that I almost wrote her off as a ditz when we met.

Fia loves to read, too, although she generally seems to read to learn instead of for plain enjoyment. Coco, the fairy who tries to keep Fia and Lina's house in some kind of order, always complains about the number of cookbooks and magic books she has to sort out in Fia's room. Lina likes storybooks, but she's a little too young to get into serious literature quite yet. She was listening to Cierra, but then she sort of wandered off and started playing around on the giant bookshelves.

Serene seems bored, too. She's the type that _hates _reading books, although she has several epic poems memorized and has already recited one about an Arc hero for me. She reminds me of my old friend from Asgard, Malice, a little bit—Malice was the kind of girl who found it hard to sit in one place for long, although she _loved _reading about Ragnarok. We're going to have to move on soon enough, if only so that Serene doesn't march off and confront the next Accursed by herself.

…Anyway… today was the first time since I remembered who I am that I've been able to think about Ledah without feeling heartsick. I wonder why that is… maybe it's just because it was such a positive memory of him, with the two of us sitting side by side, him wearing the same glowing smile Cierra has on her face now. Yeah, that was back when Ledah still smiled. He never really _seemed _depressed; he just… got really businesslike after he became a Grim Angel. It wasn't like he hadn't been serious before, he just got… more serious then.

Actually, I _really _think it's because I've been getting this feeling lately, like I know somewhere deep inside of me that Ledah and I are going to meet again someday. Maybe I've just convinced myself through my own hopes, and my need to not be depressed with the girls around…

No, it's because I really do believe that. It's weird… but I know I'm going to run into him at least once before all this is over.

And when I do, I'm going to do everything I can to save him—from himself, and from the rut the Magi have had us in. (I still need to find a way to contact Hector and the others about Ursula's plan. I think it's going to work, at this going rate. When we take out this Accursed, there will only be one left.) I'll take him with me, and it'll be just like old times again.

I hope he'll be proud of the person I'm becoming. If he is, then maybe I can be proud of me, too.


	15. Heartbreak

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

Author's Note: Some of you may be wondering why it's taken me so long to get Ein and company out of Tetyth. The reason is simple: To me, and to many players, Tetyth just seems quite a bit longer than most of the other fields because its areas are so fracking HUGE. A lot happens in it, too, so it only seemed fitting to extend the diary entries to accommodate. I also wanted to document the mental and emotional maturing to Ein's psyche through these events, and Tetyth is one of the key turning points. The library scene was also a good way to continue to develop the personas of the girls, who sometimes get neglected in this vignette collection…

:Heartbreak:

Why is it that the world only comes down on you when you feel like you're standing on top of it?

Like realizing you're missing that one crucial piece of the puzzle you've almost completed…

Like losing your grip on the Cheria stem you were trying to tie with your teeth to impress your friends…

Like telling the truth to the one you love, only to have him or her reject you completely…

Like forgetting the perfect rhyme to the haiku you're writing when your friend comes to talk to you, and then never remembering it…

Ledah…

I don't know why I blindly assumed I would be able to convince him to come with me when the time came. I'd forgotten all about how absolutely he believes in the Magi's judgment… and so I'd let myself hope.

If you'd approached me only last year, I would've told you that I couldn't see why anyone in any kind of despair would be brought to take his or her own life. Now I think I'm beginning to grasp it. There's a special kind of despair—the absolute low after the perfect high of soaring hope—that I think could just drive you to it.

I'd stopped to talk to Rose on our way back to Elendia, and out of nowhere, Ledah appeared before us. He called me to rejoin him in our pursuit of Ursula and the Retribution, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make him see why I wouldn't.

For a moment, even I was afraid that he would strike me down…

But even for Ledah, the memory of the intimacy of our friendship seems to have prevailed above that holy flame of duty. He turned and walked away, even though I was crying for him to tell me something, anything.

He gave me only one hint: The word "Yggdrasil". And then he was gone.

No one can have any idea how hard this is for me… for so long, Ledah and I did _everything _together. Even after he changed suddenly once he became a Grim Angel, we were always side by side… we ate together, slept together, bathed together, _everything. _It still feels weird to sleep in a bed instead of tucked against his side, under his wing with his arm around me and his lips just grazing my forehead. I miss his warmth so badly, it's almost a physical ache. Ledah is like a part of me, and now there's an empty space in my heart where his presence used to be. That pain had faded, numbed by the friendship of Fia, Lina, Serene, and Cierra—and, of course, Rose—and my own flickering foolish hoping. Now the scab has been torn off the wound in my breast, and it's bleeding again, throbbing with my heartbeat.

Is this what heartbreak feels like?

I think it might be.

The girls can tell that there's something wrong, even though I'm trying to hide how hurt I feel. I've cried at night, although I'm ashamed of it. I'm not a child anymore, so I should be able to stay my tears. I should be strong, like Ledah is. Even though I'm sure it must hurt him too, I bet _he _isn't crying with his face pressed into a pillow to muffle the sound of his sobbing. I can tell that they're all suspicious of my cracked façade, but if I tell them the truth I'll come apart completely. I have to pull myself together.

When all the Accursed are gone, and there's no need for the Retribution… maybe then I can fix everything.

At least he seemed to be healthy when I saw him. I still worry about his self-neglect on journeys… he and Rose both accused me of being irresponsible mostly because I don't like to wait for laundry and hold my clothes up to the fire to dry them, but I know that if Ledah doesn't have someone keeping after him he washes his things and just wears them wet. He's come back from missions sick because of it, although never badly. He at least has the luck to not catch deathly ill in the cold.

We'll be heading out again in a few days, searching for the last Accursed.

Ledah… with this, I can be complete again soon. Here with you, and all the friends I've made in this strange and beautiful land.

I'll finish this, and then I'll come for you.

And maybe then my breaking heart will heal.


	16. Catacombs

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Catacombs:

The final Accursed resides, or so we're told, in a ghost town called Mireno, deep under the ground in the town's cemetery.

Back in the old days—around the time of Ragnarok—there was supposedly a group of angels, humans, and Sprites who lived here working an orihalcon mine. Diviners like my Einherjar and Ledah's Lorelei are made from orihalcon, one of the most precious metals in the world. When the mine was exhausted, the town's economy collapsed, and the people who lived here either wandered away or died off. It was home to six powerful priests who were said to have sealed a secret legacy within the catacombs, right where we're going. …According to Fia, at least, so I guess it can be believed.

Cierra told us that Mireno used to be quite a popular hangout for treasure hunters, as there used to be a great deal of lost artifacts just lying around the town. However, due to this popularity, there is supposedly very little of this treasure left. (That didn't make Lina any happier about coming—she was already less than enthused because she HATES the dark.)

I really don't care too much about that. I just want to get this stuff over with, because the call of Ledah's closeness is still tugging on me. The sooner I'm done, the sooner I can chase after him.

Rose, I think, can see straight through me. She's already told me once or twice in no uncertain terms that I should stop being so antsy because Ledah can look after himself until we meet again, reminding me repeatedly that he doesn't need a babysitter.

Which I know, very well.

I guess I still just miss the comfort of his presence in the woe of not knowing what to do sometimes. Ledah was never uncertain in his decisions, and it's his example I want to follow. He's very much the perfect Grim Angel, like I'm not—and even if I'm not following Hector right now, a Grim Angel is something I will always be. Maybe I'm Ursula's Grim Angel now, instead. That's what it feels like, at least.

Fia and Cierra are both hoping to uncover some of Mireno's secrets while we explore this place. Serene wants to beat up more demons. Lina just wants to get out of the place in one piece. The innocence of their desires almost makes me smile ruefully, when compared to the complexity of my own…

Well, Rose has already threatened to sit on my head and/or claw up my face if I keep dwelling on Ledah when there's a job to do. And she's probably right, as usual. She wasn't chosen to be my familiar for nothing…

Just one last Accursed—an unpleasant task in a less-than-desirable location—and then it will all be over, for good or ill.


	17. Skipping Stones

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Skipping Stones:

We've stopped to rest for a little while in one of the newly-cleared areas of Mireno's underground lake, and the girls have all wandered off to amuse themselves by their own devices.

The lake is so wide that it's hard to believe that it can all be contained here in the underground labyrinths. It seems to stretch for miles in all directions, though I can just see the walls and the higher ground we're hoping to reach.

For myself, I've managed to keep my restless mind entertained with testing the edges of the lake by sending stones skimming as far as I can throw them over the surface. So far, I still haven't heard the end yet… the perfect rocks littered along the ground always seem to sink out there, as I'm sure they all have to eventually.

I used to do this in Asgard, when I was still little. There's a trick to it—a certain flick of the wrist when you throw—that I spent months perfecting. It was one of those simple pleasures of childhood that still feels calming, like eating comfort foods or finding one of your old possessions and retreating into the memories it brings up. There was a clear spring in town, and when the other kids weren't there I would try to drag Ledah out into the open so that I could practice.

He seemed to think that playing skipping stones was below his dignity, so he would sit in the shade and read while I went. Sometimes Malice would come too, and if she got annoyed with him she would find a really _big _rock to throw straight into the water so that water would splash everywhere. Gods, it used to make Ledah shriek—he was always worried about getting his books or his reading glasses wet, and that made Malice laugh. Okay, so I laughed too. It was a mean little kid thing to do, but his overreactions were funny to us.

Cierra has come to join me, and she puts little charms on the stones I throw so that they can keep skimming endlessly if I throw them right. It's one of those sweet little gestures that just seem to come naturally to her, and it's something that I can't help but be grateful for at times like this, when everything I see or do seems to remind me of Ledah once again.

It's dark here, and I don't like the humid feel to the air. I can tell that if we were a few hundred more feet below ground, I would be having trouble breathing in the thinness of the atmosphere, though the girls would probably be okay. Angels don't like being close to Niflheim, the dark realm beneath all the others, just because it's too far down from our natural climate. Even this is pushing it, and I know I feel uncomfortable because of all of that, too.

We need to get out of here. I want to see the sun again, I want nights when I don't lose sleep over Riviera or Ledah anymore.

Until then, I'll be resorting to skipping stones whenever I can't keep my hands busy with the active defense of this land.


	18. Dread

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

Author's Note: To all of you who thought that part 15 had jumped straight to Yggdrasil, all I can say to you is BAKA! I'm trying to keep this at least relatively linear, and if you were swayed by Ein's deep disappointment and depression, just wait till you see how he actually reacts to Ledah's death. I've got a few special things planned for that, and those who are already drooling over the prospective angst will not be disappointed. (You're so sadistic!) Chapter 6's story arc begins now…

:Dread:

I thought I knew what pain was before. I was wrong…

Oh gods…

We'd only been back in Elendia for a few days—I wasn't even preparing to go chase after Ledah yet—when Ursula contacted me in a dream to say that a Grim Angel has broken into Yggdrasil, her sacred domain, in order to destroy her defenses and kill her so that Riviera won't be able to withstand attacks from Asgard, and that my help is needed _now._

It can only be Ledah. It _must _be Ledah. He must've been trying to tell me before… but I didn't try to find out what he meant in time, and it's too late to have to do anything else now.

Oh gods.

I'm going to have to go after him for _real _now.

I might… I might actually have to fight him.

My skin is covered in a cold sweat, I'm shaking, and I feel sick. I can't believe I actually have to do this. Please, gods, let him listen this time.

Let him listen to me.

I'm not afraid that he'll kill me. No, I'm a lot more scared that _I'm _going to have to hurt _him. _Ledah… my friend, my partner, who tried to tell me what was going to happen in the only way he could…

A man who—it seems so long ago—once walked rather than fly to spare my wounded pride…

I have to do this, I know I have to. But I wish I could give Ursula some kind of excuse and let the girls take care of this.

Ledah's too strong for them alone… he'd destroy them without me.

I know him well enough to be able to read his movements… I know how he fights and thinks, how he's always lived his life.

Ledah…

Please, _gods… _don't make me hurt you…

I never want to hurt you…

Don't put me in the position where I'll have no choice…

In Ursula's realm of Yggdrasil, I must do what I can… not only to save Riviera, but to save the truest friend I ever made…

Ledah, wait for me. I'll come for you…


	19. Trust

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Trust:

And once again, I find myself struggling to explain myself to my blissfully ignorant female companions.

Their questions feel impossible to answer, like insistent little pricks of needles that won't withdraw until they draw blood. And that's what it's like… Fia's accusations have given them all the courage to ask what must have kept them curious ever since I got my memories back. Now they all seem to want to know about my past, about my position, about my duties…

…and, of course, about Ledah.

It's not a matter of my not trusting them, is what I want to say. I just don't know how they could possibly understand the real magnitude of what was—_is_—between us. "Best friend" doesn't seem completely adequate. When I was little, he was my savior… once I was old enough, my playmate and tutor… then my confidant and spiritual brother… and finally, my partner and traveling companion.

Maybe that casts kind of a negative light on my relationships with the girls in comparison, but… I don't know, it's sometimes kind of hard to relate to them. There are some things in life that I guess only another guy could fully understand, because men and women tend to be most sensitive to completely different kinds of things, and can sometimes be totally insensitive to the things that matter the most to each other. Ledah and I were never like that… it was a very full, very complete trust built on years and years of our knowing each other that well.

I guess that's why I never felt ashamed for relying on him so completely and turning to him for everything I didn't know. I mean… I know that most guys wouldn't do stuff like that, maybe because very few people have that sense of closeness with someone. I knew Ledah wouldn't think any less of me for it… so I let myself be almost fully dependent on him. ("Almost" is the key word… there are definitely things that I do better than him, like cooking. Ledah needs lots of practice before he can figure out how to make food, and it comes a lot more naturally to me.) I know that we owe each other our lives—saving each other while fighting Ursula's summoned monster, for instance—many times over, and that can create a different kind of trust, a sort of mutual reliance. With the girls, it's a little more like I'm leading them instead of being a fully cooperative team sometimes, _especially _with Fia, and that makes me kind of uncomfortable because I really do worry a lot about what would happen if I messed up and let them down.

I think that out of all of the girls, Lina actually understands the best, maybe because of her relationship with Fia—and I know how far it is that they go back. When we were traveling along Yggdrasil's manalith roads, she suddenly asked me how close Ledah and I had been. Before I could answer, she said that if he and I had been friends, then this whole thing would be like my having to fight all of _them._

She actually cried a little for me… it's a strange feeling, watching someone else shed the tears you yourself are desperately repressing for fear of what people might think.

So, no, I want to tell them that it's not that I don't trust them.

It's just very painful… and I'm not sure I have the words to accurately tell them what it's like for me. I'm not sure I ever will.

Please, gods. Just let this end without anyone getting hurt…


	20. Heart

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Heart:

That so much could happen in a matter of minutes doesn't feel quite real.

As I'd feared, Ledah would not listen to reason—actually told me that the Accursed weren't the reason for the Retribution at all, and explained that the genocide of the Arcs had all been part of Asgard's plan. I knew I couldn't let him continue, and he knew I'd just catch up to him again if he turned and left… so we fought.

I didn't let the girls get involved—I told them to run if it looked like things were going to get bad. And I fought Ledah on my own.

I was a little surprised at how evenly matched we were… I must really have gotten stronger here in Riviera, although I didn't realize it until that moment. But I was able to get in enough good strikes that Ledah wound up too exhausted and too battered to continue.

He asked me to finish him off…

I couldn't. I just _couldn't. _Even if he truly wanted it, I could never do that to someone I cared for so deeply. Maybe it is as illogical as Ledah said, but I can't help but still feel attached to him.

And that's when the woman who murdered Serene's people appeared.

I recognized her. Gods help me, this time I had my memories and I recognized her. It was Malice—my old friend Malice, who I hadn't seen in gods only knew how long. Malice… a Grim Angel now, sworn to Hector, and claiming that any soldier who lost to me didn't deserve life.

She tried to kill Ledah.

This isn't about the demons at all—they were just an excuse, or at least that's what Ledah was trying to tell me. Hector just wants the powers that the gods sealed in Riviera before their bodies were destroyed by the strain of the Grim Angels' creation and the end of Ragnarok. With that, or at least according to Malice, he will become the new absolute god, reshaping the world to suit his own visions, creating a "utopia" in which his angel soldiers will live in eternal bliss.

She's gone off to destroy the last of Ursula's defenses.

But Ledah is still alive. Badly injured, but living.

And as I held him in my arms, he ordered me after her, seeing as she no longer follows the will of the gods and has betrayed the only true law of the Grim Angels.

I didn't want to leave him, but he didn't quite give me much choice. He still seemed confused that I considered him my friend, and told me that the both of us knew he wasn't one to die like this. And he continued to order me onward.

It hurt my heart to see him so weak but still acting so selflessly.

And yet, I felt my chest swell with pride in the man I've always loved as my brother.

It's all I can do to try to be half so brave, so noble.

So I'll stop Malice. I'll protect Ursula and I'll save Riviera. I'm not just doing it for the Sprites anymore, but for Ledah as well.

I know that it's become the goal of his heart as well…

And I'll come back for him when it's over, to care for his wounds, and for both of us to follow the _true _will of the gods—to save this land, and to destroy Hector for betraying us this deeply.

Although I still worry about him there, I trust Ledah's words. I know he can hold on for as long as it takes for us to stop Malice.

This is what my heart tells me.

I have no choice but to believe.


	21. Despair

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Despair:

There are some things in this world that words just can't describe.

That words aren't _enough _to describe.

My mind is still screaming to me that this can't be real—it's impossible, it's against what I've believed all my life. Something like this can't just happen.

Except that it has.

We've been walking for what seems like hours now. I can feel the girls' worried eyes on me, and I'm vaguely aware that my feet are aching from all the traveling we've been doing. But all I can really think about—as awful as it seems, as it _is_—is how light Ledah seems in my arms. A few months ago I wouldn't have been able to pick him up, let alone carry him this far.

Lorelei, crossed with Einherjar at my back, seems a lot heavier. I know why: It's the symbol of the burden I'm carrying, the two lands I have to save, and the lives I'm supposed to be protecting.

And the life I couldn't save, even though I tried so hard.

My cape and the front of my jacket and shirt are soaked with his blood. I tried to stop the bleeding with everything I could take off, but in the end it didn't matter anyway…

My eyes hurt—the salt from my tears keeps stinging them. But compared to everything else, it's a pain that's easy to ignore.

Ledah's still warm in my arms. It just makes everything so much harder for me to accept. It feels to me like if I can still feel the warmth in his body and blood, I should be able to do something for him.

I guess reality hasn't completely hit yet.

He looks so naked, so vulnerable without his wings. Did I look like this to him and the others after I became a Grim Angel? They vanished in a flash of bright light… after, and the traces of feathers around us dissolved into shimmering powder that filtered through the air like the dust you can see in direct sunlight. It's the mark of a fallen angel, and it forces me to believe what I was sort of suspecting ever since Heaven's Gate.

Gods, what I wouldn't give for a chance to do this day over.

My heart feels dead in my chest. But I know that sooner or later, it'll wake up to the world, and then we'll see if I'll be able to accept this or if I'll break. I've cried—of course I have—but that's when I'll really give in to grief, when I'll sob and scream and curse the gods and the world and my fate.

And especially Malice and Hector.

Ursula told us that we would have to head out for Hector's castle right away, but I won't. I _can't_—and she should have known better than to give me an order like that. I'll stay in Elendia, for as long as it takes to get things settled.

Ledah deserves more than to just be abandoned in Yggdrasil.

I thought I knew what heartbreak was before.

I couldn't have been any more wrong.

Now I finally understand—now that I'm on the long road back to Elendia, cradling the corpse of my best friend in my arms.

_It should have been me._

And I'm never going to forgive myself for this, not when I should have known something like this was going to happen. I knew I should have stayed with him, or left Rose or somebody to watch him while I went ahead. But I didn't. I was too stupid, too caught up in worry about Ursula and Riviera to see the truth right in front of my eyes.

And so Ledah died.

And I'm still alive.


	22. Special Interlude

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

SPECIAL INTERLUDE

For so late into the autumn season, it was a beautiful day in Elendia.

Most of the trees were starting to turn, and the brilliance of the sun made their red and gold and green leaves glitter beautifully with color. Birds, grown now and only returning to their parents for a visit, could be heard to chirp cheerfully back and forth, flitting like bright jewels among tree branches and thatched roofs. The chill of the impending winter had retreated, as well, and it was as warm outside as if summer had just ended.

But for all of that, there was no laughter in Elendia, no cheer. Silence, instead, pervaded the solemn air of the villagers, who stood in a broken circle around a thick block of white marble that was laid on the grounds of the old chapel on the edge of the town.

Among the circle stood four young women, possibly the most subdued and worried-looking of any of the Sprites standing in silence there. Whereas most of the Elendians kept their heads bowed, each of them kept sneaking anxious looks in the direction of the chapel.

The old church hadn't been used for several decades after finally falling into disrepair except as a home to those holding vigils for the dead.

For the past day, no one had dared to come near it. Those who had tried were all driven away by the horrible wails of raw grief welling up from within. The chapel's seclusion was enforced thus out of respect for the mourner inside, who already had it hard enough saying goodbye to their beloved lost without having to deal with trespassers.

The four girls—and the catlike creature sitting on the shoulder of the eldest—had come the closest and stayed the longest, for they and they alone had some inkling to what the one inside the chapel was going through.

For the first hour or so after Ein had locked himself inside with Ledah's body, there had been silence; then there came that awful, broken sobbing, which only got louder and more desperate as time went by. Without warning, the sobs had broken into angry, desperate screams—curses and pleas to the gods, to the Magi, to his friends, and to Ledah himself. After that there was more silence—and then further bereaved crying, as Ein had gotten his voice back.

It was now exactly twenty-four hours after Ein had gone inside, and the vigil was over.

Elendia turned as one when the huge doors creaked open at last.

The wingless angel was staring at the ground, letting his hair fall into his face to obscure his expression. Instead of his own Diviner, Einherjar, the crimson spear Lorelei was strapped to his back. In his arms, he carried Ledah's body.

While most of Elendia's Sprites preferred to dress their dead in their best, most beautiful clothes prior to a burial, Ein had left Ledah in the priest's robes he had always worn in life, torn and bloodstained though they were. He had, however, cleaned the blood from his friend's face so that the assembled Sprites would clearly be able to see Ledah's peaceful expression. Unlike Ein, this sterner Grim Angel seemed strange without his legendary black wings, which Ein's traveling companions said had dissolved upon Ledah's death. His skin, no longer lit with the motion of his blood, was a pure white that seemed torn between divine and almost profane.

Very tenderly, Ein settled Ledah's body upon the marble block, smoothing the dead angel's wild blonde hair and folding his hands over his heart. He paused, then knelt beside his friend's corpse and gently kissed his cheek before standing and walking resolutely to stand behind the narrow end of the block, facing the chapel he'd walked out of.

Ein sighed, took Lorelei into his left hand, and began to speak.

"None of you really knew Ledah like I did, but I want you all to know that this is the kind of end he would've wanted, as a soldier. That's what becoming a Grim Angel meant to him: That he was a soldier, twice sworn to our gods and the Magi representing them, bound to obey them by faith and by law.

"They tried to destroy his heart by destroying his emotions, as I'm sure you've heard by now. Hector would've seen his free will completely removed, would've had Ledah be only his tool and nothing else. And he came all too close to that goal.

"But Ledah was never _just _a soldier. He always believed very firmly in doing what the gods would say is the right thing, and in spite of everything that he'd been put through, that's what he did. He was a priest before he became a Grim Angel, and so his belief in the gods was everything to him. Like me, he pledged himself _only _to the gods in his services, and so when he realized what Hector was really up to, he followed his true beliefs and he paid the price in blood. He died to save my life not only for me, but also for this world that the gods deemed sacred and worthy of protection… I want you to know that, and remember it.

"Though you may find it hard to understand, even since he became a Grim Angel, Ledah didn't really change as much as you would have expected him to. He was still intelligent, strong, dutiful, devout… an infinitely warm and caring person. On my way to Riviera, he saved my life over and over, though he could've just left me to die. He was my friend and my partner, the only real one I ever knew before I was swept up in Hector's plots.

"Ledah was a victim of greater tides than any of us have ever had to face…"

Ein bowed his head for a moment, then continued.

"Odin, my father and my god, protect my Ledah in the land of the dead, and guide him to his place in the halls of Valhalla, where his soul will find its rightful rest."

There was silence for a few minutes; then Ein raised Lorelei, holding it out straight before him.

He sighed and began again, awkwardly. "In Asgard… in Asgard, it's not like here in Elendia. When one of the holy soldiers of the gods dies, he or she is given a choice." He swallowed, shook his head, and went on. "Right before he died, Ledah whispered to me what it was he wanted. He said to me… he told me to burn his body, and let his ashes scatter to the winds. I know that you no longer practice cremation here. But it was Ledah's last wish, and I'm honor-bound to fulfill it.

"If you don't want to watch… then leave. I won't think any less of you."

There was absolute silence. Not one of Elendia's Sprites moved.

Ein sighed and closed his eyes. A ripple of power ran through Lorelei, and tiny flecks of gold began to run over the Diviner's surface, dripping from the tip to bead on the grass and fade into steam in the unusual warmth of the day.

As Ledah's Diviner wept its own bitter tears, Ein began to speak, low and hoarsely, in Asgard's high language. Of the assembled Sprites, only few understood even a handful of words in the holy tongue's death blessing of flame. Ein's soft prayer went on, the cadence of his voice rising and falling, his throat miraculously free of the twisting of tears—though his companions suspected that this was only due to having shed so many over the past day.

At last, the light that had played over Lorelei's length swirled around Ledah's corpse, which began to blaze with gold and scarlet flames that gave off light and heat but no smoke. As the Sprites watched in mingled horror and fascination, Ein stood staring bleakly into the fires, silent tears sliding down his already-wet cheeks.

Within half of an hour, the flames had done their work. With nothing left to feed on, they slowly vanished from the marble bier.

Nothing—not even ashes—were left.

:TBC:


	23. Serene

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Serene:

The miracle of her understanding is something I couldn't have dared to hope for. Her words are the only possible balm for the raw ache of my broken heart. Her acceptance is the salvation that I don't deserve.

The others would try to guilt me into continuing my journey by pointing out the looming danger still hanging over all our heads, and I would feel the pain of their accusations of my selfishness, but it's all too distant to me now to really prod me into _moving forward _again.

It's move forward or backslide, too many believe. But I'm barely moving at all—just drifting, a victim of inertia. Some part of me _wants _to take that step, trying to get myself moving again, but the rest of me likes this disembodied feeling of apathy just fine. And so, here I stay.

Rose tells them for me that I still haven't moved past the shock and the depression yet, that I'm stuck for now but once the anger flares up I'll get going again. They don't feel like waiting. I don't feel like moving down the loss process just yet.

Their impatience stings me. They were there; they should understand.

They don't. _She _does.

I'm still not sure how she did it before, how she's _still _doing it—but miraculously, she has. She's so much stronger than I am, and it's her strength that has to help me now.

Ledah was _everything _to me, all through my life at Asgard. And now I've lost him, I've also lost my way, and the shreds of my purpose lie in ruins around my all-too-scarred soul.

But not so long ago, she lost her everything, too.

And she's still standing strong.

I've been spending more time with her lately, because she _knows—_she knows what it is I'm going through, she knows what real emotional pain is. She doesn't get impatient with me, and she can sympathize. I can talk to her, and she can talk to me.

She's my anchor, one of the firmest friends I've ever made.

So when she came to me and told me we had to go, I let her take my hands in hers and agreed.


	24. Future

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Future:

What is a "future"? Is it all the life ahead of you from this moment on? Is it your possibilities, your hopes and dreams for tomorrow? Is it tomorrow itself? Is it no more than an idea and a wish?

Is a "future" a definite thing at all?

And can it be given or taken away?

What would life be like without your future? I think it must be an awful prospect. Hopeless, loveless, listless, every day more of the same, every day holding nothing but suffering. Knowing that something intangible yet integral to you is gone, would you have the strength to keep struggling forward?

I wonder.

Fia agrees with me, and I can tell she's giving the matter as much thought as I am. Instead of saying like the others that your future is obviously something that can't be taken from you, I see her eyes cloud with painful sympathy. Instead of worrying about the "how" and "why", she wonders directly if a life like this could be bearable for long.

And I wonder now if Malice isn't just as much of a pawn as Ledah and I were.

I'll never forgive her for his death, but if this is all Hector's plan I can forgive her for her blind faith in him. Without a future, even cruel guidance given is guidance taken with gratitude.

I couldn't save Ledah, but maybe…

Maybe there will be some way that I can reach Malice…

Or maybe this is just more wishful thinking, just another way to crush myself in a later failure.

Still, I can and will do my best. That's all I can do now. Do my best to save Riviera. Do my best to defeat Hector. Do my best under the weight of all the lives that are counting on me.

Because there was a life I couldn't save, and because I _will not _let Ledah's death be in vain.

And also for the selfish reason that I want to prove my own existence apart from being Asgard's Grim Angel.

I was born to become one, after all; I was thrust into this destiny, this wretched fate, and no one ever asked me if I wanted it or not. I became a Grim Angel because I was chosen and because I had no other choice. No one can point the finger at me and accuse me of getting myself into this mess, like Ledah and I suppose Malice did. But just because I'm blameless there doesn't mean I want to stay that way, a nameless, faceless, hapless creature fulfilling a role and nothing more.

I wonder if, in the grand plan of the Magi, even before Hector's acts of betrayal, I ever had the right to choose my own future at all.

_I am me, _I want to tell them. _I am not your doll, and I will not do what you want me to. I have free will. I can make my own choices. And I can change my own destiny if I want to._

It's a fanatic idea that almost borders on heresy, but that's what I've begun to believe.

In the end, Ledah—who was always a great believer in destiny—made a choice to do the right thing, when since he'd become a Grim Angel he'd been little more than Hector's pawn. Maybe that choice, in the end, was what let him stay himself despite all he'd been put through. My grief wasn't so blinding that I couldn't see the real tears on his face. My despair isn't so choking that I still can't hope the best for him.

For him and because of him, I've made up my mind.

My future is mine now, mine and no one else's. And I'll direct it as I will.


	25. For Seth

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:For Seth:

What is it like, to live as a slave to evil behind innocent eyes?

Do you even have any idea of what he's doing to you, or what he's planning to do with you? Or are you as yet too young to understand the gravity of his crimes?

I should hate you, I know. But I can't. Either because of your pure smile or because I can't help but see traces of _her _in you, I can't hate you. I can only pity you for your unknowing part in Hector's schemes.

You're as much of a pawn as the rest of us.

Whatever I was fearing when Ursula told us Hector was trying to summon you, you certainly weren't it. Some kind of monster, we all thought. Something inhuman. But here you are, as pure in your own way as Ursula is, possessing the body of a young girl but having the innocent mind of a small child. You have no way of comprehending that what you were meant to do from your sad birth is wrong.

Hector is only using you, the same way he used all of us to accomplish his own sick desires. But you have no way of knowing or seeing that. You are a faultless creature, still too young to truly understand what any of this means.

I can only pity you for what role you have to play in this.

I will destroy you if I have to, but I will not enjoy it.

Hector cannot be allowed to win. But that doesn't mean that I have to like what I'll need to do to stop him from achieving his sought-after godhood.

I think that you may be the saddest victim in this entire chain of events… because no matter what the rest of us say and do, _none _of this is your own fault.

Forgive me for what I have to do.


	26. Those Left Behind

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:Those Left Behind:

It's over.

It's finally over. Or it's already over. Whichever seems more appropriate at the moment, it's _over _and that's what's important.

It's strange to think about it being over. We've been on the road, we've fought and laughed and despaired and triumphed against all odds and failed disastrously for so long together that it's so weird to realize that we don't have to do this anymore.

But it's over and that's something that's swept us off our feet and into the arms of all those who now call us their saviors.

It's over and everything has happened so quickly that none of us have even had time to think about what's going to come after the celebrations end.

I'm still dealing with the shock of everything that's happened, and the amazement that _somehow, _the six of us are still alive. Ursula helped us destroy all the odds, and we're still all together because of her. Then there's also the fact that both of my close childhood friends are dead. The grief is there, lurking behind all the disbelief and amazement, waiting for me to face it so it can sweep me back off to the land of my depression, and I freely admit, I have been putting off the day I'll _have _to. The pain will be lessened, however, by the fact that I have my dear friends here to support me. They'll be more patient with me now that we don't have anywhere else to go.

Ursula is gone. She obviously knew what destroying Hector and Seth would mean for her, even though she didn't tell us. But she used her power to save our lives, and she has bequeathed Riviera to us, to the ones she left behind, because she says we've won our freedom. That we're our own nation now.

It's another heavy responsibility, but I know that it isn't one I have to bear alone. Because Riviera belongs to all the Sprites—and even the demons—who live here, who need to decide what they're going to do with their land, who will war over it and celebrate it and farm it and preserve it and make it theirs once again.

And because I am of Riviera as well as of Asgard, protecting this land, kept separate from the human nations of the world for so long, is something that I will do gladly.

Because Riviera has become more of a home to me than I ever had in Asgard… and because all the ones I love live here. Because the ones I, in turn, left behind rest here. Because…

Because I love this place.

And because Ursula was right again in giving it to us: We who live here most definitely have the strength to protect Riviera, and we will.


	27. The Promised Land

Diary

See disclaimer in Entry #1

:The Promised Land:

Summers are warm here in Riviera.

I like the lazy days more than I would have expected. I usually suffer from a complex of always having to be _doing _something, but even the somethings worth doing are far between now, though they very well aren't few. But being able to live life as if I'm more or less normal is new, and I'll enjoy it for as long as it's something to enjoy.

Besides, inactivity can only last me for so long.

Cierra's on the verge of a breakthrough down at Nelde; she hasn't been home in weeks, but she wants me to come down to see her as soon as I can. It's so typical. It's not just her being clingy, though—I know she's worried that she'll mess up an experiment unless she has supervision of some sort. She needs to build up her self-esteem, but we both laugh about it, so I doubt it's anything that critical. She'll learn one day, she can do anything she puts her mind to, mishaps or not. After all, she _is _the Scarlet Witch who saved Riviera.

Fia's setting up to drag me on another of her whirlwind tours of Riviera's shrines, too. She likes the travel as much as she likes the peace of prayer itself, but why exactly this requires me is something I don't really understand. Oh, well. I like journeys, too—the uneventful kind. I still don't want any more excitement, though—saving the world and the aftereffects of doing so have supplied as much of _that _as I'll ever need.

Then, there's Lina and her treasure fetish. She's just caught wind of some new rumors of legendary items stashed away in a local forest, and she's all set to haul the rest of us along with her. It's so characteristic of her—she can't sit still for a minute, even now. She's so madly in love with her own case of wanderlust that she's blind to our disinterest. Still, she wouldn't be Lina if she did take notice, and she's a comfort in herself these days.

It's not like Serene particularly enjoys sitting still, either, although I've had to work to avoid getting forced onto her crusade to reclaim Lacrima and Rosalina from the demons who (despite everything) still have a comfortable hold on it. If there's one thing I _know _I'm sick of, it's fighting—still, I suppose I owe Serene for all her support during my darkest days, so I'll have to face up to her someday soon.

And then there's Rose. She'd told me once or twice that she'd been thinking of writing something about our little quest—and she's halfway through her grotesquely extensive chronicle of our travels, as well as Riviera's history and the stories of Asgard that are entwined with its history. Right now she's researching a group of the old Grim Angels who died defending Heaven's Gate from the demon armies, and she keeps trying to prod me into helping her out, in part because one of the Grim Angels was also called Ecthel and she thinks that should hold my interest, and in part because—well, because she's _Rose,_ and she wouldn't get any enjoyment out of life without torturing me.

In between all these insane girls who are trying to run my life, I've found time to help the Sprites of Elendia strengthen and expand their small village. I like that kind of work more than I'd ever have expected—building homes, plowing fields, just doing the simple, ordinary, everyday things that everyone does. It's still a novelty to me, and I truly do cherish being able to put my back into some kind of work other than fighting all the time.

And I also have to find the time to look back over what we've—what _I've _done, and the ones who were lost along the way. Ursula. Seth, even. Malice. …And Ledah, of course. I have to remember those who didn't make it, who maybe should've, or could've even if I'd chosen some different path. I have to think back on how important life is to us all, and be grateful for their sacrifices. And every time I do… the pain becomes easier to deal with, to the point where I'll be able to live with this burden someday—and live the share of life that they deserved for them.

Summers are warm here in the Promised Land.

I think I like it that way.

:owari:

THANK YOU

**Readers, **for putting up with my long hiatuses while working on other things. Okay, that's one less excuse I have for not getting my butt going on The Tainted. Heheh. Well, you've borne with me and my laziness for this long, so maybe you'll bear with me on that, too.

**Muses**—all nine of you—for "inspiring" me and managing me with whip and chair. Specifically to Sephy, Stroud, Ghaleon and Karst, whose jurisdiction this fic fell under… and to Envy, for keeping back the irritable readers demanding updates. I love you, even if you are crazy Nazgûl bent on driving me entirely insane before I turn twenty.

**Everybody at LCN,** for being infatuated with Riviera (though maybe not as much as I am…) and for putting up with me and my "yaoi monster"-ness for so long. You're all great. Now start submitting to my Icontests before I have to hurt you. Grrr.

**And everyone else who I should be mentioning but for whatever reason am not. It only took me the entire school year for me to finish this, and it's… what… twenty-seven chapters long, including the interlude? Not too bad, considering my past records of keeping things ongoing for years at a time with no end in sight (coughShadowedHeart, coughKokoronoHanashi). Read my other stuff while you're waiting for me to update, or read some of the other fine fiction on this site. But don't attack me, because MY BISHIE HAS A GUNDAM AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT.**

**He'll tell me how to get the lock off the OS if I ask him nicely. ;D**


End file.
